There are things that happen to us that we can’t talk about. Secrets we hold so close to us they become a crutch that we use to push people away. We have hurt that is caused by other people that is so painful we ask why we were born. We feel angry– and if we let it, this anger becomes so powerful it turns into hatred.
Should we forgive those who hurt us? Who are not sorry for hurting us? Where do you draw the limit?
Earlier this month I reached out to an old friend. This particular friend was one I considered at one point to be my closest companion. She was a person who I relied on so heavily and so deeply that we inevitably broke apart. When our friendship was strained we spent almost two years without the other for comfort. When I had reached out to her after almost two years the forgiveness I felt washed over me like a warm ocean wave.
Our falling out never destroyed our humanity. If anything, during our period of time not speaking, we grew. I learned to love harder and forgive more often. When our hearts were ready, we forgave each other and we’re stronger and more independent for it.
In most cases I would say yes, forgiveness is a healing experience. Especially when experiences between two people who want and need it.
Sometimes the people who hurt us are not sorry. Sometimes people hurt us for no other reason than to gain pleasure from our pain. When this happens, forgiveness feels impossible. Do we forgive those who are not sorry? Do we forgive those who take pleasure from our pain? These questions are difficult to answer.
Forgiveness makes us vulnerable. It lets down our walls and allows another to see us for who we really are– human. But this is not an excuse to allow others to continue to use your humanity against you.
During a recent Vipassana I sat in complete silence for 10 straight days trying to forgive someone who has hurt me beyond words. I came out of the experience with 3 questions:
Here are the answers I’ve come up with:
I am always curious to hear about what people think of forgiveness. What makes a person more forgiving than another? I would like to hear your stories! So please send me a message or comment on this article, it would be most helpful 😀